I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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