In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
