this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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