Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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