And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
