So drunk, too bad you don't want this
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
