is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
