I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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