he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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