We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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