I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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