i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
