it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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