You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
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