I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Dick very happy bro
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
