Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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