yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
