Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
