My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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