Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
