when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
