Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
