I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I don't deserve a penis
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
