I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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