Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Randomize