Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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