Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize