Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
