Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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