its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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