The best revenge is premature balding
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
