party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
