He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize