just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
