I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
