I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
