Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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