There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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