Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize