you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
