I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize