He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
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