somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize