everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize