When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
