They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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