Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Randomize
