bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
