You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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