Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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