CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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