either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Randomize
