You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
