Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
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