STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
