if i died would you start the facebook group?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
