I'm really into asian looking animals
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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