sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
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