thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
