last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
