great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
