Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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