I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
