I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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