I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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