So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
