shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
